love is a place

Ear Candy: "Love is a Place" by Metric

the end of another summer. i officially needed more than just my quilt last night on my bed to be warm. scattered all over my room are the remnants from other summers, and i keep having the weirdest flashes back to what it felt like to be in those moments, and how odd it feels to not be there anymore. i guess this is what growing up feels like. i am not sure how i feel about it yet... but since i can't fix it or stop it or fight it, i guess maybe i should go with it. i keep feeling like it is happening too fast, or like one day i will wake up and suddenly feel ready to take on all of this. maybe i already am, and i just don't know it? maybe, growing up is just becoming more aware of the things that were already true. when did i become some sort of cheap knock off of the dalai lama?

"you shed not a single tear for the things you did not need, because you knew you were finally free"


i leave in three weeks for london. that snuck up on me. i still can't quite picture it yet, but i think i am excited. mostly, i am terrified. and sad. because the people that i love are all going off on their own paths, and i support that fully. but it doesn't make me any less sad to see the little family we've built for ourselves drift away. i can only hope that the people i care about have some inkling of how much i really do love them, and how very proud of them i am, regardless of where i am, or they are. i have mostly been quite lucky with the people who i find in my life. why do i always get sappy and sentimental at the end of summer? i guess this is when reality sets in.

when i get home in 15 weeks, i know there will be a life waiting for me, but what will it look like? who will be in it? what will i look like? i am standing on the brink of the oblivion, and i can't quite see through the fog... but i guess that they were right when they said that there is nothing to fear but fear itself? for me, fear looks like uncertainty.

i guess i just have to trust that things will fall in to place in the right way, and that the best possible future is the one whose path i am on...? how rsbs is that?!


wish me luck as i jump into the unknown.

wherever you are, i love you.

e