now i am sitting all alone

Ear Candy: "Mushy Love Song" by Tsunami Bomb

Always a bridesmaid, right?

Don't worry, I'm getting really good at getting left alone.

Ear Candy: "MTIFF Stomp" by my friend Jack's band

Updates on life as I live it:

- new house with Cheryl. It's hella retro and funky, and I love it so much. We're near the school, and Mark and Moe and Jewy and Jimmy. We have two record players, and a garden, and everything we have is from thrift stores and garage sales. I love it. We still don't have beds, so we are sleeping on the floor in the living room in a cuddle puddle with Jack, who doesn't actually live with us, but he might as well.

- Charley and I broke up. Creative differences. I'm actually ok.

- Birthday in less than a week. It doesn't feel like it. But I am stoked to be able to buy beer when I want it.

- Show opened, is going well. I love my deck crew SO much. And it feels good to be reminded why I love theatre so much. And it feels even better to have people tell me that I am good at my job.

- Sprained my ankle. Called the Stage Manager from the lawn that I fell on, took all necessary precautions in case I couldn't get out of the ER in time for the show, and then painted my crutches black so that I could take them backstage. Haven't missed a beat. Trooper Award.

- It feels good to have crushes again. I missed that excitement.

- Quitting at Crabtree. Can't handle that shit anymore. SRT job this summer, super stoked on it. Not stoked to find a new job at the end of summer.

- Things are changing, and I think for the better. I am excited to see what comes next.

~ e

The weight of the world is love

Ear Candy: Jack's band shredding

The weight of the world
is love.
Under the burden
of solitude,
under the burden
of dissatisfaction

the weight,
the weight we carry
is love.

Who can deny?
In dreams
it touches
the body,
in thought
constructs
a miracle,
in imagination
anguishes
till born
in human--
looks out of the heart
burning with purity--
for the burden of life
is love,

but we carry the weight
wearily,
and so must rest
in the arms of love
at last,
must rest in the arms
of love.

No rest
without love,
no sleep
without dreams
of love--
be mad or chill
obsessed with angels
or machines,
the final wish
is love
--cannot be bitter,
cannot deny,
cannot withhold
if denied:

the weight is too heavy

--must give
for no return
as thought
is given
in solitude
in all the excellence
of its excess.

The warm bodies
shine together
in the darkness,
the hand moves
to the center
of the flesh,
the skin trembles
in happiness
and the soul comes
joyful to the eye--

yes, yes,
that's what
I wanted,
I always wanted,
I always wanted,
to return
to the body
where I was born.

i find myself knowing the things that i knew

...which is all you can know on this side of the blue.

Ear Candy: "This Side of the Blue" by Joanna Newsom

it has been crazy raining for the last 24 hours, and i love it. the huge hail and the lightening last night were amazing. i love the rain, because it makes everything clean and alive and new again, and it washed away everything that can't cling on. my life always makes more sense when it is raining, and i feel myself surrounded by a sense of calm. it's really nice. being in my bed when it is raining makes me feel safe, and alive, and comfy and cozy. right now, outside has the strangest light i have ever seen, it almost looks like it is glowing. i feel like something big and amazing is about to happen, and i can't wait to see what it is.

also, cheryl and jordan and i think we found an awesome house. yay. and if jordan bails (again) we have an awesome house without him.

and the play opens in two weeks.

and birthday is in three weeks.

the times, they are a-changin'.