End of Line

New School. New City. New Apartment.

Time for a new blog.

http://exrin.tumblr.com/

I'm too old to be writing in the same emo blog I started when I was 15. Here's hoping I can figure out this Tumblr shit.

sunday morning i was staring at a clock trying to push it back.

Ear Candy: "Sunday Morning at a Funeral" by La Dispute

Last Night:


SO. MUCH. FUN. met some cool people, hung out with some cool people i already knew. it was a much needed break from packing. shitdamn i am going to miss shows.

today and tomorrow is packing packing packing cleaning cleaning cleaning hugging hugging hugging not crying (crying is for bitches. bitches get stitches.)

Tuesday:

cheryl is going to say her good-byes. i am going to eat burritos at roberto's.

Thursday:


whoa.

this could define a lifetime

"It's Not a Bad Little War" by Bayside

i took all of my art down. all of my pictures and posters are carefully packed up into a box and a portfolio, all ready to be stored for the next two months at my dad's house. my walls are bare for the first time since i moved in, and it is beginning to hit me that, in two weeks, this will not be my room. and this will no longer be my home. and i will be moving on to somewhere new entirely. i have so many different emotions right now, i don't even know what to think or say or feel.

i am sad to say goodbye to this amazing family:



all i know is i can't stop the future, so i had better get on board with it.

if packing up my art was this hard, i don't even want to think about packing up my shoes. oh man.

on a side note, we went and saw bayside and the polar bear club at ace of spades in sacramento last weekend. AMAZING. PBC was having mic issues, but they played well. they played "our ballads", which is my favorite song of theirs, and which has only been slightly ruined by certain boys. bayside KILLED it. it has been so long since i have been slammed in a crowd covered in stranger sweat. i felt like i was fifteen again, and it was kind of magical.

oh, how we have not even started yet.

e

you can't sell me incense, my world smells good enough to eat

"Unlisted" by The Story So Far (it's a Jawbreaker cover)

We're leaving for Las Vegas on May 31st. We're leaving for Indonesia on June 2nd. I'm coming back to San Francisco on August 2nd. Holy fucking shit.

While we're gone, we're going to be updating our travel blog so that everyone at home knows where we are, and what we're up to, and that we haven't been taken or imprisoned, or sold into the sex trade. We're only partially joking about the idea that people are going to like our travel blog so much that we'll get famous and then get paid to travel and blog about it. These things happen, right? I mean, Allie Brosh and Kelly Oxford gets paid to blog, so...

Anyway, you can keep track of us HERE: http://www.cheringoestoasia.blogspot.com

I'm so excited. And so very terrified about leaving my home, and my friends, and my family, AND MY CAT, and going to a world that is so completely different. And I am very sad about leaving our little home here, because we won't be coming back to it. I feel like I always love Santa Rosa the most when I know I'm going to leave it. It's the rose colored glasses at the end of high school.

17 days, so much to do. One of these days, my insane need to make the most of every second is going to kill me.

this self appreciation is lame

it's not charming or cute anymore.

Ear Candy: "Van Rides and High Tides" by Broadway Calls

22. Yeah... I keep having to remind myself that the definition of failure is attempting to hold myself to other people's standards of success. That way, I can feel less lame about having spent the last five years dicking around only to be rejected from all of the colleges except the ones that I was accepted to right out of high school. Way to go, self. Now, if I'm lucky, I can graduate no more than two years after my little sister.

Happy birthday, Erin. Time to be a grown up.

i wanna hold your hand

Ear Candy: "I Want to Hold Your Hand" by The Beatles

it feels weird for me to need people. i am always the person that other people lean on when things are tough, and it is hard for me to ask for support when i need it. i feel so lucky to have so many people to reach for. and i hope that the people i love know that i love them. and i don't actually think any of you read this anymore, but if you do, know that i mean you so very thoroughly and completely. i love every cell in your body, even the parts i don't always like, and whether we have fought, or drifted apart, or anything else, i treasure you.

my heart is so full. it is full of pain, it is full of love, and it is full of a desperation to hold onto the people who mean the most to me. i know this is me reacting to a tragedy, but i also know that this is me realizing the things that i don't think about enough: that we are all fallible, and fragile, and that we must always fight for the things that are important to us, and the people we love.

i hope you know i never mean to take you for granted.

spit shine your black clouds

Ear Candy: "Spit Shine Your Black Clouds" by The Blood Brothers

this is one of those weeks i wasn't sure i could face. i'm still not. but last night, seeing all of the old faces in the old places made me feel so much better, at least for the time being.







we were aware of those who were not present with us in physical being, but they were present in love. today we have to say goodbye to one of our own. my heart hurts, and i feel like i can't breath.





i am so grateful for the people in my life who hold me up when i feel like i can't stand.

all things grow, all things go

Ear Candy: "Chicago" by Sufjan Stevens




I love you, Dommie. I'm so sorry we couldn't get through. I hope you know how much you will be missed, and how loved you are. You were a truly beautiful soul, and you made my life so much brighter. I will always hold you in my heart, with my other loves I lost too soon. At least I know you won't have to fight anymore.

RIP Dominic Agius, a beautiful soul.

love.

come with me pretty baby

Ear Candy: "Long Way Home" by Tom Waits



I am so gay for Rachel Maddow.

and i feel like i just don't know

Ear Candy: "Heroin" by The Velvet Underground

There is no universal moral code that should dictate human behavior. There is no such thing as good or evil, there is no universal standard of right and wrong. Our values and morals come from us and belong to us, whether we like it or not; so we should claim them proudly for ourselves, as our own creations, rather than seeking some external justification for them.


I feel like I am finally waking up.

you can do whatever you like

Ear Candy: "Whatever You Like" by Anya Marina

This is what I do on Sundays:
Sunday Morning Chais with Brianna is becoming one of my best and most favorite traditions. It gets me out of bed, and I get to start my day with a good friend, good conversation, and a delicious drink that never disappoints.

Sometimes I feel like my life is awful. And then I actually look at it, and realize that actually, my life is awesome, and full of wonderful people.

E

the great escape

Ear Candy: "Drain the Blood" by The Distillers

So Cheryl and I are escaping this summer. I am so ready for the change. We are leaving the 1st of June, and going to Europe, and Asia, and the Middle East, and all over for three months. She is continuing on after I leave, and I wish I could give into wanderlust forever, but I have to go to big kid college in the fall. I'm not getting any younger.

We are getting shots and passports this week. I am going to dye my hair dark again so that I am not obviously as obviously an American tourist woman standing out in hostile territories. We are going to travel as a part of the courier service. We are going to couch surf, and camp, and work on organic farms. We are going to hike, and climb, and explore. We are going to swim, and get lost, and eat weird food, and I have never been more scared or excited in my entire life. And when I get back, I am going to move into a new home in a new city and start a new life. Probably with a new tattoo.

It is weird when the things that you always thought you wanted end up being the exact opposite.

E

I don't care for fancy things

Ear Candy: "My Girls" by Animal Collective

So I went to PetCo to get more kitty litter today, and I was feeling like Bad Mommy because Buster Posey doesn't have very many toys, so I got him some new ones, one of which is an organic mouse filled with catnip. Needless to say, he loves it, and has been tweaking out over it all day. Cheryl got back from the Vegas today, and on the way back from the airport, I was telling her about the toys. This is the conversation we had:

Erin: So, I got Buster toys. One of them has cat nip in it. Now he's crazy. I'm sorry.
Cheryl: We could have just made him toys!
Erin: Yeah, but I was at the pet store, and I was feeling like bad mommy!
Cheryl: So you bought him drugs?! Way to go. Mommy of the Year award.

And there you have it. Baby missed us.

E