But I've stayed up with you all night...

Ear Candy: "How To Save a Life" by The Fray

In my life lately, I have been facing a liot of things that are really hard. And I am not going to get into them, because I am working through it. But most of all, I am being confronted with life, and how short and fragile it can be. And I feel like I don't say enough how much I absolutely love all of you. I am not sure exactly who reads this, but if you take the time to see what I have to say, I mean you. If you are in my life, I mean you. I am ok, I wasn't for the longest time, but I am, and as cliche and cheesy as all this may sound tomorrow morning, it is because you guys were there for me and picked me up when I needed it. I can only hope that you know that I will always do the same for you. I am not sure what brought this all on, end of the year? This song is not helping, because it so much applies to my life, and it is making me think, but in a good way. Where did this all come from? Graduating? Tonight's difficult to watch episode of my guilty pleasure show, One Tree Hill? Perhaps.

But however you cut it, I needed you all to know that whatever the future holds, you are all amazing, and I am so incredibly lucky to have you, to hold you, and to be given the opportunity to love you.

And I really do. I love you.

~E

But not a real green dress...

Ear Candy: "Close Your Eyes" by The Chemical Brothers

So I am excited, because I just sent in my Enrollment Confirmation and housing app and whatnot to Monterey, so they know I'm coming in the fall. Yay.

I'm tired, but I'm sure you could tell that by my lack-luster appearance and the bags that sit just under my eyes, impervious to cold sppons, tea bags, cucumbers, concealer, and pleading. I am a ghost, floating through my life, going through the motions, nothing clicking or connecting. If I stood next to "Sad Life Joe", he would look like a damn Care Bear (if Care Bears had stab wounds.) Things are getting bad. I am slipping and I can't get my grip. I'm scared of not getting back on track. I don't know what I want, only what I don't want, and how does that help me?
I have just realized now that I think better when I listen to RENT (which I am not listening to.) Best Buy is selling collectible versions of the soundtrack, where each case features the face of one of the characters. These are geared towards RENT-Head chumps like me. ANd sadly, I weant them. And a new camera. And new jeans. Want want want. Things things things. Are these things supposed to make me happy? Economics is depressing, because someone always has to pay. Sometimes in that class, I am overcome with a horrible thought that people might love each other more if we were all made out of money, but I think for me, I need a warm body. That's worth more to me than the entire collectible RENT series, hands down.