it's bad enough that my dad doesn't really want to be my dad. he has more pictures of his girlfriend and her kid on his desk than he does of his own kids. there are no pictures of me or my sister, but three of his girlfriend, and two of her daughter. that bitch already has a dad, why the fuck does she need mine?

now, my dad has decided to completely cut me off financially, because he has decided that i shop too much? which is weird, because the last time i went shopping, i was in london, and that was the only time this year i had used his credit card for anything besides food and gas, which i guess he is tired of paying for.

but the part about this that is so frustrating, is that he justifies it by saying that he is taking kerry's credit card away too. however, kerry is going to college next fall, where she will have a meal plan, so she doesn't need to worry about buying food, and she can't have a car, so she doesn't need to pay for gas. i feel like my dad is only ok with this because it it no way affects my sister. if he had to pick between us, we all know he would pick her. and the worst part about that is that he doesn't even try to hide that. he is throwing her a graduation party... i got into every college i applied to when i graduated, and my dad told me that i couldn't have a graduation party, or send out announcements, because i hadn't really accomplished anything. he wasn't that proud of me... however, my sister, who only got into three (and two of them were Chico and Humboldt) of the ten schools she applied to is having a big graduation party, and aren't we all so fucking proud of kerry... i was informed today also that my birthday dinner will have to be postponed in favor of a graduation dinner for kerry, since my dad doesn't want to have to bring my grandma down more than once that month.

and since my sister is unaffected by this, she doesn't give a fuck. and she is picking on me for being so upset. which is so weird, because when she whines at me to go get her something for dinner, i am curious how she thinks i pay for it... when she whines that her car needs an oil change, and i switch cars with her for the day, how does she think i pay for that? with my minimum wage job and my ten hours a week? no.

and i know i sound like such a bratty, spoiled rich girl. but i really don't give a fuck. my dad doesn't pay attention to me, doesn't really care about me, or any of my interests, and opts to throw money at me because it was easier. now, he isn't even doing that... he has retracted the only thing that he does to show me that he is even aware i exist. so please, spare me all of the stories about how i could have it so much worse. how you all have had to survive with less, whatever... because this is about so much more than the fact that my dad took my credit card away (by the way, closing that account totally FUCKS my credit score. fantastic.) he basically told me that since i am almost 20, i am no longer his problem, and he's done. fantastic.