And You Can Have This Heart To Break

Ear Candy: "So It Goes" by Billy Joel

"I have gilmpsed the future, and all I can say is... GO Back!"

My God, I wish I could. As I have reached the end of high school, I've been looking back at everything, and although there are things that I would do differently if I had a second chance, I don't regret anything. But all I want is more time. More time with the people I love, more time to get everything done. To go to the beach more, to hang out, to go to more parties... To tell him how I fell, how I've felt. But what good would any of it do? I can already feel us drifting apart, moving away from each other... And I can feel my heart aching.

I am scared. For the future, for jumping without you all as my parachute. All I have wanted my whole life is to grow up. And now that it is happening, I just want to curl up on the couch and watch a movie with my head in your lap while you play with my hair. I want to watch the sun rise, and know that when we say oodbye, it isn't forever. That we won't come home strangers. I want to know that you know how much I love you, and I need to know that you love me too. I am so excited to have had my best friends with me for so long, but I am scared that in three months, I won't have them anymore.

I've been watching Cameron Crowe movies, and they make me nostalgic for something I've never experienced... Which adds to the nostalgia that I am feeling for everything. I want to hug you all with all my might and never let go. The kind of hug where i know our hearts/souls/whatever are hugging too. I miss feeling infinite. But we're all leaving, and growing up, and I can wish for no more than as we go, for you to know how much all of you have truly belssed my life. How wonderful knowing you has mademe, and how I would in no way be the person I am if I hadn't had all of you. And that I really do love you.

So to everyone who reads this, or knows me, I love you so much. Thank you for everything. And I mean that more than I have ever meant anything in my life.

I heard you singing this song, and I doubt you saw the true irony of the situation. The greatest irony is the line "you're the only one who knows", because I highly doubt you do.

If I've said it once... I love you.

~E

"And you can make decisions too, and you can have this heart to break..."
consider it broken.