I'd dig a tunnel from my window to yours

Ear Candy: "Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)" by Arcade Fire

Last night made me happy. Dinner on the couch talking and driving in circles makes me feel happy and good and needed and all that wonderful stuff. I have been in a really weird mood lately. Comfortable and very chill, and very tired. Every muscle in my body hurts, and I am on the brink of collapsing. but I have neevr felt more alive. Much flirting with cute boy, much rock (even rock with neg. after effects), much fun with my girls. All of them. I am loving everything and everyone right now. I am happy to be alive. I really wish I could drive. Like, so so so much. Driving = freedom. Erin = wearing an ankle bracelet.

On another note, another friend (totally different from the last pseudo-anonymous rant post) has been making me make my grrrrr face lately. I am not going to use her name, even though I think that it is pretty obvious who it is... But whatever, I'll let you guess, because I am doing this for my own venting purposes, not for gossiping purposes. If I wanted to gossip, I would be saying this, not writing it.

So my friend Velora* has been getting on my nerves hardcore lately. She is one of my oldest friends, and I love her dearly, but I am never quite sure if I even know her! She is rather antisocial, and she never talks. Trying to have a conversation of any substance with her is like pulling teeth, and she is very secretive about everything, which I respect is her style, but it is hard to know someone if they won't let you know them on anything more than a shallow acquaintence basis. She seems confused and like she is struggling to find herself and her place in the world. She is always so desparate to be "non conformist" or "eclectic"and original and artsy. i love ehr, and I think she has an adorable style, but it would be cuter if you knew that it hadn't taken her 45 minutes to get the "I just threw this on" look she has. We never hang out anymore because she is always with her boyfriend, and they don't seem happy at all together. She says she is with him because she made him jump through too many hoops not to be, and he seems like he is with her because she is hot and way out of his league. But they don't seem happy. She is in love hardcore with her exboyfriend, it is obvious that they should be together if you see them together, and yet she isn't. It is hard for me to admit it, but I honestly think that she will be one of the friends that I stop knowing after high school. I miss her! I miss talking to her and getting more than "uh huh..." in response. And sometimes I don't even know if I can trust her to be genuine with anything with me. I miss certainty.

Now don't get me wrong, I love her, and all of my friends very much. Fighting and finding flaws is one of the the things that makes relationships function. No one likes perfect. I personally think that is just because we all wish we were, and we hate what we can't have.

If you are reading this, I love you.

~E