Ear Candy: "The Scientist" by Coldplay
Maybe I don't even know? I have always been, or at least much more recently, who I wanted to be, and I have always had the attitude of "blow me if you don't like it". But if so many people decide they don't like something in me, is it them, or is it me? I have thought for so long that it was them. But why then? Jealousy? Insecureity? We are all insecure about something. I want to be a rock star and hide my insecurity in my words and my music. Guitars make people sexy. I want to fly away from all of this. From everything, and float over it and see how stupid it is. Right now, I can only hover, not so high as to keep my toes from it. I have loved me, I still do. So why can't everyone else? Why is it that love never comes in the way that you need it to when you need it? It works in mysterious ways, and I hate surprises. Another birthday, another year older, closer to leaving and going away and forgetting. Forgetting everything, everyone. Forgetting me. I want to be the one who isn't forgotten, or replaced. I want to be the one that you love regardless.
You are sheerly you and I am small and undefined. Your imperfections make you perfect and mine make me weird and lower my value. You are unique, I am crazy. I am jealous, but I don't want to be you. I don't know what I want. I want to be the favorite. So much competition, not enough positions. No jobs. No open roles. I want to be what you want, but all I am is me. When will that be enough? When will you smile with your eyes? I want to be beautiful, I want to be your muse. I was just guessing. You don't know how lucky you are.
"Tell me you love me/Come back and hold me"
I am going in circles, triangle sheet music is just rhythm. I felt stupid, but I had to know. Nothing is better left un asked, and no one should leave things unsaid. You are beautiful.
If you are reading this, I love you.
~E
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
i'm sorry this is a bit belated (as i look at the date), but i just wanted to say that i relate to this like 300%. i always wish that i were someone else, so in that respect you're steps ahead of me. its simplicity is beautiful and honest...
but okay, that's somewhat random.
i'll see you.
-Nick
it's weird knowing exactly who and what this post is about. i don't want you to feel this way, but i know me telling you not to feel a certain way won't persuade your feelings. just know that i love you. and to me, you aren't crazy. you're unique, you're wonderful, and you will find someone who loves you for everything you are. you have me in your corner, and you will always be my air. no one can take that away. i love you.
Post a Comment