i send vibrations in your direction through the satellite mind

Ear Candy: "Satellite Mind" by Metric

Tis the time of the season for changes.

- End of the semester. Going into finals, grades are looking good. Intention is to keep them that way.

- College applications are in and out of my hands. Now we play the waiting game. I turned my UCB application in at rehearsal, since the internet at my house was being fritzy, and I had to go to rehearsal. Before I hit submit, we all put positive energy into my application. Hippies. Afterwards, one of the actors in my cast, JET, comes up to me and has the following exchange:

JET: You know, you should probably start preparing yourself for the likelihood that you won't get in.
Rosie and Jeff (other actors who are standing behind me): What?! Why would you say that?! Don't put that out into the universe!
Erin: I am not considering that possibility. Because I can't. Because I would drive myself crazy in the next five months.
JET: Yes, but getting your hopes up makes it harder when you don't get things.
Erin: I have wanted to go to Berkeley since I was seven. I think it is safe to say that my hopes are up.
JET: Yeah, but I mean, you can live through disappointment. When I broke up with my girlfriend... (NOTE: I have strong suspicions that this girlfriend is fictional.)
Erin: I firmly believe in the power of positive thought. The universe only hears "yes", so if I say, "I am not going to get in", then the universe says, "Yes! You are not going to get in!"
JET: That doesn't make any sense.
Erin: Maybe not, but to me, I have to hold on to the belief that everything is going to happen the way that it is supposed to, and trust in that. I can't dwell on negative thoughts, they are going to poison me.
JET: Well, my parents always told me that you should hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
Erin: And my parents always told me, "Erin, you're going to go to Berkeley when you grow up!"

Apparently, I am working harder on being more positive, and not dwelling on negativity so much. I think it's time to hang up my emo hat. Part of being a grown up is accepting that not everything is in my control, and the best I can do is to accept things how they are, and to do the best that I am capable of.

- New jobs coming up (see if you can notice the pattern!):
* Working as business manager for my friend Vince's dance studio. This means organizing, filing, and building things. And hanging out with/working for people I adore. I am excited.
* Working in the scene shop for the theatre. This means building things, welding things, painting things, learning things, making art, and working with/for people I adore who are all as dedicated and crazy as I am.
* Stage Managing a new show, which I have been since mid-October. I am still loving it, which is good. My assistant quit, which is good, because she wasn't very good. Now I get a new one, and he is awesome. And voluntarily gave himself the title of "ESB" (Erin Sweeney's Bitch.) This bodes well.
* Got hired by the theatre department to be the season Production Assistant, which is the assistant to the Production Manager, who is in charge of all of the plays (she is the SM's boss). I adore Risa, the PM. And she LOVES me. This looks good on a resume, and is definitely going to be a good learning experience.

- Broke up with Glenn. This is a good thing. Dating me was awesome for him, dating him was a drain on me. We argued for three hours about how I felt like he didn't listen to me, or understand me. He thinks we broke up because of the distance. I'll let him think that. It is always sad when things don't work out. But I know that this was definitely the right choice, and I feel like I am in a much better place now that this happened.

- Want to play more music.

- I want to reconnect with the people that I have lost touch with. I have been feeling this weird divide lately. I call it "the wall." Like there is me, and then the wall, and then the world. And I think part of the reason for the wall is that I get super wrapped up in work and school, and forget to cultivate my relationships with my friends and family. This is going to change.

- I have no idea what to get people for Christmas. I want to make presents, but I don't know what to make. And I am not great at art, unless everyone wants prints made out of handmade rubber stamps.

- I am newly obsessed with making rubber stamps.

- Excited to go to LA to see my lovely Robert for our post-Christmas holiday celebration. Bummed about breaking the tradition, but we will make it work.

- New Years in Vegas with my Cheryl. This is going to be interesting. I have never been to Vegas, and it is going to be weird to see it not from the perspective of the tourists, but from the perspective of someone who grew up there.

- Mostly, just excited to get out of SR for a few days and to see people I love, and to meet new people, and have adventures.

- I know I say this every year, but this upcoming summer, we WILL be going camping in Yosemite. I am super hellbent on trying to have us in the same place at the same time, and to go do something fun and awesome.

- Also, I want to go to a Giants game for my birthday. And I want people to come with me. I am not above sitting in the bleachers drinking beer and yelling by myself, but it is more fun with buddies.

- Apparently, this is the season for short hair. And since apparently, if all of you (well, not all of you. But the ones who count, and you know who you are) jumped off of a bridge, I would be jumping too...

I am also going to update more, even though I am pretty sure that my infrequent updates have made it so that no one reads this anymore. But it is good to have a record of where I was.

Even if you don't read this, I hope you know that I love you.

- E