to open my eyes, and wake up alive in the world

Ear Candy: "Alive in the World" by Jackson Browne

good lord, longest week of my life. on sunday night, i was staring out at my week, and was pretty sure there was no way i was going to survive it. i am amazed that i haven't started crying from sheer exhaustion. i haven't slept more than four hours/night in over a week, and have been consuming more caffeine than anyone ever should. four finals down, two to go, and i have so far done three a's and one b, which i am disappointed in, because i should have done better, but c'est la vie. i am very pleased with them overall considering that i was also doing play rehearsals and paperwork and all that goes along with that on top of the finals.

i am literally not sure how i am awake and coherent right now, let alone in a strangely positive mood. the only sign of my overall stress and exhaustion is my complete lack of appetite, where i keep forgetting to eat for 12 hours at a time, and then remembering, and having to force myself to eat. finals is such a good diet!

i have reached the following conclusions:
- trying to get a full night's sleep in the middle of a week where you have trained yourself for exhaustion is a bad idea. i got eight hours on monday night, and tuesday was awful, because i was super tired, had trouble waking up, and had a head ache all day. it was much better when i got four hours a night, which is what i did on tuesday night, and wednesday morning was no issue.

- if you are an instructor who gives a 7AM final in december, you should definitely be there to let your class in on time, because they are cold and cranky.

- if i have a three hour slot in which to take said 7AM final, and i finish the test in 20 min, it makes me angry, because i should have shown up at 9.

- i will never understand those girls who show up for a 7AM final in full hair and make up, and pajamas on. unless they fall asleep with their head in some kind of chamber that perfectly preserves their look from the night before, and literally did just roll out of bed looking like that, they had time to throw on jeans and a shirt. and a bra.

oil change. lunch in auburn with grandmother (two hour drive each way, ugh.) dinner with depressed-due-to-break-up father. two more finals on thursday. freedom. come on, final push!

if you are as exhausted as i am, i love you.

E