Are you still moving?

Ear Candy: A Dozen Roses" by Braid

FUUUUUUUUCK THIS!!!

Ok, so this is going to be a hardcore rant post, I am warning you all now. I am also not going to tell you who the person is, because 1. I don't want to start shit, 2. I don't feel the need to try to sway your opinion of anyone and 3. because it really doesn't matter.

So anyway... I have this friend Julie* who used to be a somewhat less than attractive girl. She was cute, but never in the way she wanted to be. We were really good friends, we had tons of classes together, and we were pretty much two extensions of the same person. Around the beginning of last year, I started hangingout with some other people, but Julie and I were still definitely friends... We would fight from time to time, both being severely dramatic people, so it was nice to have somewhere else to turn. I introduced her to my other friends, and whenall the shit hit the fan, I lost her. But I lost her in more than one way.

I feel like I don't even know who the fuck she is anymore. She changed everything about her, physically and otherwise. She abandoned her principals, her morals, and apparently, her best friend in an attempt to be the person that she thinks everyone else would want her to be... She was more than willing to turn on me and stab me in the back, spilling things that I told her that were by no means meant to be heard. She acts like an air head, always ditzy and flirty with guys, and she will do anything to get ahead. She even changed her name for the most part. It is like two different people, and she can't even see it. I lost her, and she blamed me. I am a constant, she is a new person, and I am not sure that I like her anymore.

I am fuch\king fed up with everyone trying to be someone they aren't, trying to be what will make them "cool". I had a run-in with "cool" this weekend, and it can fucking suck my metaphorical balls. I am so tired of no one being genuine. In a full out Holden Caulfield move, the world is so full of phonies, there is no escape. I always pride myself on being 100% myself and of always thinking for myself, but is she across the room talking about what a phony I am? Damn.

I hate this. All of it. High school and the PJC and hicks and police and parties that make me and my friends cry and have panic attacks can go to hell. F THIS, MOTHER F-ERS (Mormons make me smile)

On a totally random note, I had a great conversation with Shane last night. I love being able to change my negative opinions of people. I love it even more when I make people smile.

Ok, so I am done with this for several reasons:
1. I am quickly losing my ability to type, and it is frustrating me.
2. I am running out of things to say (SHOCK!)
3. I am realizing that it is very apparent who I am talking about, and I am not trying to start shit.

If you are reading this, I love you.

~E



*Name has been changed to protect the bitches involved